Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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