Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
