I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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