i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
