why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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