so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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