It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
