Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
