When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
