hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
