So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can I color on your dick again?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
