i just wanna soil my oats bro
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
