I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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