When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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