I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize