My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
