i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
