wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
