you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
