It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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