He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
