we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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