Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
