he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
