And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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