how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
