i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
