so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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