I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
