I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like, not good at living.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
