So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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