think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
