i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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