dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
