you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
