I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
