he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
