There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
