Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
