it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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