like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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