i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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