he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
