DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
