Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
