Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
