I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
