i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
