He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
