I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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