It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
