It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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