Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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