i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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