someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize