I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's the barista slut.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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