a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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