between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
