dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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