So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
