Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
