i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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