I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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