I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
