Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
